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20th of February 2018


Confessions of an Intentional Serial Dater -

—It has been almost three years since I wrote my first article on becoming an unintentional serial dater. This article is more about how I have become an intentional serial dater. Although I can honestly say that I find myself in a satirical paradox, as I had no intentions of doing so.

Let me explain. When I wrote my last article, I had met what I thought was a wonderful woman. Our relationship was nothing less than Camelot. Friends loved us because we appeared to be “that happy, head-over-heels-in-love couple”. We never fought, and constantly had fun whenever we were together, both privately and socially. The smiles on our faces said it all. Well, almost all.

I can honestly say I treated her like a queen. I overlooked some of her physical and mental downsides, and focused on the traits I loved. I was chivalrous and a gentleman from day one, and that never changed. Flowers for no reason other than I loved her. Unsolicited hugs, dinners, dancing, and vacations were the agenda. I never stopped opening doors or telling and showing her that I loved her. I never changed how I treated her. I had eyes for only her! On many occasions, I would be in a room full of beautiful women and I would have eyes for only her.

In short, I treated her like I would want someone to treat my daughter. She also became my support system as I faced the challenges of my mother’s health. I did the same for her. But as it turned out, she had issues that she kept hidden.

My Guinevere had dark secrets that should have been so obvious to me. What I wasn’t aware of was that she was, in her own words, “emotionally unavailable as well as shallow”. They say hindsight is 20/20, and as I look back now I can also see traits of narcissism, which my rose-colored glasses shaded out.

Eventually, after almost three years, the mask fell off, and I was crushed to find that our wonderful relationship was fake. King Arthur watched in disbelief as Camelot fell apart. I don’t share this to bash her. I share this in hopes that you can comprehend my state of mind and therefore my actions going forward.

In the days after our break up, I went through what I call an emotional roller coaster. I felt every emotion you can think of, but mostly anger and hurt. I was like a wounded animal. I contacted friends in hopes of finding help and solace and probably made an ass of myself in doing so. There’s no such thing as mutual friends.

I dreaded the thought of going back to online dating especially now almost three years older. That made me angrier at her. She had wasted three years of my precious time and I was heading for a very dark place. My Facebook posts became very negative and bitter.

Then as I sat at my watering hole tying one on, I looked down the bar at all the old divorced men. I did not want to become one of them sitting at the bar five to seven nights a week. Something I knew I was very capable of. Then I came to the realization, Oh no! I already was one of them. So I needed to do something about it.

A bit of an off-color joke here. It is said that the best way to get over an old lover is to get under a new one. Sorry if it offends, but there is a lot of truth to that. I’m not saying one should run out and get laid right away. But having a new interest can help refocus. It can also mess with your head. So I put up the profiles and launched the search again.

It wasn’t long before I met a really gorgeous lady, some would say an upgrade. Not that the prior one wasn’t beautiful. But this new lady was gorgeous. We knew each other from many years ago and found it easy to talk. After several dates, I could see a relationship developing. So what is so wrong or bad? Why go on dating other women?

Here’s my thinking. Meeting this new lady is great. She is much of what I am looking for in the way of physical appearance, as well as personality traits. However, she is indeed, the first one out of the gate. Is she a matter of convenience? Is she just a great reason to avoid the dreaded online dating? I can honestly say that she is very much someone I can see myself in a relationship with. But I do not want her to be just the rebound lady.

I want the next person that I have a relationship to be someone I choose to be with, and not because I am avoiding a situation. I want to make it clear, I am not out there looking to see if I find something better. I am not looking to cull and have another stringer full of fish. I want to make sure that whatever I do is genuine and sincere.

So, for now, I will keep the online profile and continue to contact potential suitors. I will make dates for dinners, movies, shows, dancing, etc. No one will get a booty call, but I will let romance happen as it may. Wow, I feel like the bachelor with the exception that I don’t have all those women throwing themselves at me.

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